My religious past

So all this talk about my parents and religion has me thinking about my upbringing and how I was raised and if I suffer from Post Traumatic Church Syndrome or not, I honestly I have to say maybe a little, but just a teeny tiny bit.  See despite how my parents are acting now, that their youngest child is 35 with children of her own, I was raised in a very secular home.  My parent's idea of religion was driving us to church on Sunday, showing up right as it starts, and being one of the first ones out the door to beat the parking lot traffic.  If dad was home for dinner (he worked the second shift) we would say Grace at the dinner table.  About junior high we stopped going to church altogether.  We NEVER talked about religion at home, if I had a question, my mom would say, read the bible.  If I asked her where in the Bible, she would say look it up (meaning she didn't know) after a while I stopped asking, after that I stopped caring. 

Unless Grandma was around.  Then I was the bad kid.  I was the rebellious one, the troublemaker, the reason my mom has grey hair, blah blah blah.  Basically she just liked to complain and for some reason I was a target.  Whatever.  Knowing the things I do now, I am pretty sure my mom made crap up to get sympathy from her, mom liked attention. 

In high school I started going to church and Wednesday night youth group with a friend and learn amazing concepts like God wants to have a relationship with me (WHAT?!!!) and hes not just this untouchable angry being that doesn't care about us.  Crazy!  I got a version of the bible I could understand (sorry King James folks, it just wasn't working for my 15 year old self) and actually started to READ the Bible, like read and understand it. 

Then college came and I found Campus Crusade for Christ and I met my first judgey judgersons.  I've been made fun of before for having a conscience, for being a fuddy duddy, for being boring, but NEVER in my life, have I ever been ostracized for being "not good enough for Christ".  I kid you not!  I was betrayed, stabbed in the back, laughed at, judged, and kicked out of a Bible study for WORKING (like earning a paycheck working).  It was bad enough I actually turned completely away from God for a while. 

So now I'm back, outside of the box, in my own world.  Been hurt many more times by so-called Christians, and decided I am done with this shit, I am going to do something about it.  I don't know what yet, but I am going to do something. 

But isn't that what spiritual growth is?  Spiritual, personal, deep?  No one can tell you have to do it, and it has to be a journey and no two journeys are the same?  I think that is what prompted the Through the looking Glass Project in the first place.  My spiritual journey.  I want, no I NEED to figure out how I want to worship MY God and what exactly My God means to me.  What is the Holy Spirit saying to ME?  What is the Holy Spirit telling ME to do with my family and my kids?  Hopefully studying and learning more will help.